One Equal World

Posts Tagged ‘relationships

An asexuality activist holding a sign that reads, "If sex without love can exist, love without sex can too!"

Photo credit: Shawn Goldberg / Shutterstock

Frigid. Distant. Cold. Unsharing. Incapable of love. Not relationship material. Robotic.

Most asexual people have run into all of these misconceptions by the time they’ve been through an adult relationship or two. Like most sexualities, asexuality is a spectrum, and unless one is rigidly careful to only date people exactly as ace as they are, they’re going to run into a mismatch of sexual needs.

That’s not as unusual as it gets made out to be. Allosexuals (people who experience sexual attraction) run into differing needs all the time. Differences in frequency, in kink, in stimulation—these can all be part of a healthy sexual partnership. And so can differences in attraction and need.

The key is communication, and sharing the work of compromise.

Some asexuals want no part of sex, and others are neutral on the topic. Some like sex as a fun activity, but don’t experience any yearning for it when it’s not on offer, or like sex quite a lot for itself but don’t experience any sexual attraction to any people, even their romantic partner. All of these are facets of asexuality.

In most mixed ace/allo relationships, sex is still on the table, though of course it’s up to the individuals involved. It’s vital that both sides be honest about what they need, what they enjoy, and where they need boundaries, and that they communicate that without pressure.

There’s no denying that sex is an important part of many romantic relationships. It is an intimate and bonding act to most people. But strong relationships will have more pillars than just sex, and if there isn’t room for compromise, in either direction, the partnership has other issues to work on.

Working together to find mutually satisfying solutions shouldn’t be a chore—rather, it should make a couple stronger.

The first Ugandan trial since the adoption of tough anti-gay laws recently took place, with two men accused of having homosexual sex before a Ugandan court this week. Kim Mukisa and Jackson Mukasa, who appeared in the court in the capital Kampala, are both expected to plead not guilty.

Kim Mukisa, 24 is a businessman who reportedly identifies himself as gay and Jackson Mukasa, 19, is his alleged trans partner. The two men face a potential life sentence in jail. The Ugandan police arrested the couple in January as they fled an angry mob, according to The Human Rights Awareness and Promotion Forum, a local watchdog group.They are being charged under Section 145 of the Penal Code that bans consensual same-sex relations, according to Sexual Minorities Uganda.

Uganda-same-sex-lawsuit

Uganda is one of 82 countries where homosexuality is illegal. Pecold / Shutterstock.com

Although there has been anti-gay legislation in Uganda since colonial times, President Yoweri Museveni signed a bill in February that calls for “repeat homosexuals” to be jailed for life and makes it a criminal offence to not report someone for being gay. Prosecutors have lined up several witnesses to testify against the two, who have been charged with engaging in sex acts “against the order of nature,” said their lawyer, Ladislaus Rwakafuuzi.

The law’s passage drew international condemnation, with US Secretary of State John Kerry likening it to anti-Semitic legislation in Nazi Germany. Western countries have ever since withheld or cut aid to Uganda over the law, hoping the country’s legislators will repeal it. Several Ugandan government officials have described the Western pressure over the bill as blackmail.

Uganda, is just one of 82 countries where homosexuality is illegal. Most of these countries are in Africa and Asia, though homosexuality is also condemned in countries such as Jamaica, Belize, Barbados, and Indonesia. As of January 2014, no country in Europe has an official law against homosexuality—though countries like Russia, Ukraine, and Moldova have unofficial anti-gay agendas.